Motions

May 02, 2018

to Read (

Words)

Have you ever been in a season of life, where you are literally just going through the motions? For me, in the past six years, I have on and off been doing that. It is so hard to keep up the momentum and push though. But life just goes on, it does not matter who you are or what is going on in your life, there is no way of stopping it. So floating and drifting it is, but there is only so much of that one can do.

Complete honesty? I have wanted to write and publish a post about this for years. And even though I know many people don't actually read my blog, which is a blessing and a curse all at the sametime, I just have not been able to put it in so many words.

*deep breath - in... out...* I struggle with depression and anxiety. I know that it is not an uncommon thing, especially nowadays, but hard nonetheless.

It has NOT been easy, rather a frustrating mess... for over six years I have just dealt with it, and never talk to anyone about what was really going on. Until now, I finally have had enough and found someone to talk to and help figure it all out.

When it all started, I knew something was off, but because my teachers kept asking what was wrong, I knew there must be something wrong with me. For a while, people were attributing it all to us having to move our family store and then not knowing where or what I wanted to do for college. There was never a second thought on what it could be about or it there was something else going on.

So I just tried to deal with it.

A few years ago, in Rome, a classmate I had only known for a few weeks, could sense that something was wrong. He was the first person who actually made me realize it isn't something to just brush aside and that seeking help is not bad.

Unfortunately, because of a series of life changing events that happened weeks after getting back home, I never tried to find anyone to talk to. (You can read about it here).

That was about two years ago, and just last month I finally found help, thanks to a former classmate and amazing friend. Why now? I have had enough. Enough trying to put on a brave face. Enough trying to seem alright. Enough pushing emotions down, until I explode over small things. Life just continues to have a big puddle of mixed emotions and it is just not working any more.

No one should have to float through life; each of us are worth so much more. And deserve to be able to live life to the fullest. We each have so much potential. So join me in this journey. I don't just want to share my story - WE need to share OUR stories.